The 21-Day Habit Myth & How to Rewire Your Mind for Lasting Change
Why Your Goal Don't Stick:
This is the Identity Shift That Changes Everything.
Becoming the Person Who Achieves the Goal
If you’re planning on becoming a new version of yourself in the new year — this conversation is for you.
Every January, we’re told to set resolutions, stay disciplined, and push harder. And yet, year after year, most people fall off their goals before January is even halfway through. In fact, research shows that by the second Friday of January — often called Quitter’s Day — nearly 88% of people have already abandoned their New Year’s resolutions.
That statistic alone tells us something important: the problem isn’t you. The problem is how we’ve been taught to approach change.
This blog entry is about doing things differently. It’s about understanding how real, sustainable change actually happens, and why becoming the person who achieves the goal matters far more than trying to force yourself into new habits.
Why Motivation Fades (and It’s Not a Personal Failure)
We’re often told that people fail at their goals for three reasons:
Their goals are too vague or unrealistic
Motivation wears off
There’s no solid plan or accountability
I agree with part of this — clarity and structure matter deeply. But I strongly disagree with the idea that goals can be too ambitious.
You are spirit in human form. There is nothing inherently unrealistic about a desire that lives in your heart.
What does happen, though, is that motivation alone can’t carry you when your identity hasn’t shifted. When the initial excitement fades — which it always does — we begin questioning ourselves:
Why does this still feel hard?
Why isn’t it working yet?
Maybe this goal just isn’t meant for me…
And that questioning slowly chips away at our confidence until we quietly return to the familiar version of ourselves.
But here’s the truth most people never hear: change isn’t created through motivation — it’s created through identity.
The 21-Day Habit Myth (and Why It Sets You Up to Quit)
You’ve probably heard that it takes 21 days to form a new habit. That idea is so deeply ingrained that many people unconsciously give themselves a 21-day deadline to “feel different.”
When that shift doesn’t happen fast enough, discouragement sets in.
What most people don’t know is that the 21-day rule originated in the 1960s from Dr. Maxwell Maltz’s work in Psycho-Cybernetics. His observations were based on plastic surgery patients who were seeing their new reflection in the mirror multiple times a day — reinforcing their new self-image constantly.
Today, research shows that habit formation takes an average of 66 days, and sometimes much longer.
And honestly — that makes complete sense.
We live in a world of constant stimulation. Notifications, information overload, competing priorities, endless noise. Our attention is fractured in ways it simply wasn’t decades ago.
So if you’ve ever wondered why it feels harder to stay consistent now — it’s not because you’re weak. It’s because repetition and focus are harder to sustain in a hyper-stimulated world.
Which brings us to the real shift.
Your Goals Aren’t About Doing — They’re About Being
At the core of every goal is an identity shift.
We don’t take action to become someone.
We take action because we already are that person.
The moment you decide who you are, your behaviours begin to follow naturally.
Think about it:
The moment you begin painting, you are a painter
The moment you host your first coaching call, you are a coach
The moment you commit to your message and share it, you are a leader
You don’t earn the identity after the fact. The identity comes first.
This is why so many people struggle with New Year’s goals…they’re trying to add behaviours without becoming the person who lives those behaviours.
Why Core Values Matter More Than Willpower
Another reason goals fail is because they aren’t rooted in what actually matters to us.
For years, I set goals to work out more. Not because it deeply mattered to me, but because it felt like the “right” thing to do in January. And every year, it fizzled out.
It wasn’t until I reflected on my core values that everything clicked.
One of my deepest values is self-empowerment.
When I was told after my car accident that I may never run again, something lit up inside me. Training my body, rebuilding strength, and proving to myself that I was capable became deeply meaningful. That goal stuck. Not because of discipline, but because it aligned with who I am.
Your goals must connect to your values if you want intrinsic motivation to carry you forward.
Your values are your internal compass. When your goal aligns with them, consistency stops feeling like effort, it becomes self-expression.
Becoming the Version of You Who Already Has It
Instead of asking:
How long will this take?
Try asking:
Who do I need to be to live this reality?
When you anchor into identity, time becomes irrelevant.
You stop tracking days.
You stop measuring progress obsessively.
You start enjoying the process.
Just like a vacation — the enjoyment doesn’t start when you arrive. It starts the moment you leave your driveway.
This is how goals become inevitable.
When Old Patterns Push Back
As you step into a new identity, old patterns will surface. Old thoughts. Old habits. Old stories.
This isn’t failure, it’s confirmation that change is happening.
Awareness alone can dissolve many of these patterns. And when they feel stickier, tools like EFT tapping, breath work, or subconscious reprogramming help your nervous system feel safe being someone new.
The work isn’t forcing yourself forward.
The work is teaching your body and subconscious mind that this new version of you is safe.
A Final Reflection
You don’t need to wait until January 1st to begin.
You can decide today who you are becoming.
When you live from identity instead of effort, your goals stop feeling heavy. They start feeling natural. Enjoyable. Aligned.
And from that place, success isn’t something you chase.
It’s something you allow.
You already have that power ✨
If this resonated, I invite you to sit with this question:
Who are you choosing to be in the year ahead?
Everything else flows from there.
Want to listen to this episode on the podcast?
Tune into episode: 176 | The 21-Day Habit Myth & How to Rewire Your Mind for Lasting Change
Find Feminine Initiate - Mindset + Energetics + Manifestation for Purpose-Driven Creatives on Spotify, Apple Podcast, YouTube, and most other podcast platforms.
